you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
