walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
