Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
