:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
