No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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