Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
