I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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