His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
