it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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