Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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