it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
