I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
