Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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