What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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