Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
