i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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