As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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