im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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