this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
