WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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