Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize