Swine flu. Run for my life!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
