nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I faked an abortion last night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
