i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
