I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
