Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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