Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
