Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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