Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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