I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
