i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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