well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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