she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
