ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
