I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
