YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
