im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
