eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
