Fine. I'll sleep in my office
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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