I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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