Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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