im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
