i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want a musical about memes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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