the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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