guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
