I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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