WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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