I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
