apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All the doctor said was why
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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