i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
