every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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