Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
