forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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