just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize