I wannas sexs uuuuu
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
