My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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