We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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