they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
