STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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