I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You pole danced in your parka.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
