quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
