It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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