I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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