I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
