just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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