lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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