Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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