i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
