WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
