i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
