two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found your dick twin last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
