I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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