dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
