i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
