In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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