He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
