I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
