Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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