When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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