i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can I color on your dick again?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost the right to judge tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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