He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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