the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
