im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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