3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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